The second half of When Roles Reverse collects years of useful caregiver information Jim learned along the way. learned – mistakes made, insights accumulated - that will save you “time, money and tears” as you pay back your elderly parents.

Perhaps the most critical point in Comer’s book is how essential communication.  It comes from hard-won experience: his father was reluctant to share important details about finances, medical information, and a dozen other topics.

The most important chapter in When Roles Reverse opens the second half of the book: “Fifty Question That Will Save You Time Money and Tears,”  with spaces to write the answers.  Comer suggests you start the conversation by sitting down with your parents to gather together all the important caregiver information – these may be the most valuable hours you spend as a caregiver.  Here’s a sampling of the Fifty Questions.

1.   When was the last time you talked with your parents about their plans for the future?
4    How frankly – and how recently – have you talked with your siblings about the reality of caring for your parents?
9.   What are names and phone numbers of your parents’ primary care physician, eye doctor, medical specialists, lawyer, accountant, financial planner?
29.  Do your parents have wills, have they been updated recently, and where are they kept?
34.  Do you or one of your siblings have health care power of attorney that allows you to make health care decisions in your parents' names?
40.  Would your parents prefer a traditional funeral, memorial service, graveside ceremony, or no service at all?

 When Roles Reverse will also give you valuable information about senior living options, evaluating various eldercare facilities, including the right retirement home, assisted living, or nursing home for your parents -- or whether staying at home or moving in with a family member is the best option. It provides what you need to know about critical legal and financial documents, and how to select the best elder law attorney.  The book concludes with listing of important resources such as geriatric care managers, area agencies on aging, veterans benefits agencies, hospice care, and agencies that can assist you in getting the help that you need. While the process may not be easy, there is a deep satisfaction in paying back your parents for all they have done for you.